apricots

im getting sick... or.. i was a bit sick and... oh i dont know. one of the two...

either way i'm killing the Duro-Tuss... and it tastes like apricot... or schnapps.... bliss. lol

for some reason, other than the cough, i've been really... happy.. the last few days, it's odd, i dont know if i will ever be used to it, lol. but i'm happy, and i think it's because i'm not freaking out over small things anymore. i dont know what comment was made, or who said it... but something has put me at ease again.

i like the feeling.

trusting. it's just so strange. i know it wont last, but i like it while it's here

xoxo Willow

If this is what you want, then fire at will...

Listening to My Chem always puts me in a funny mood. i mean, i love it, but i always feel like the little 14 year old emo/goth kid i was 9 years ago, in highschool. broken and tainted by things i didnt know were venomous to my mental health.

And i kind of miss someone i shouldnt miss, and i dont understand just how i miss them, since the last time i saw them was.... i dont even remember really. he's a my best friend, or... he was. he was my world, and i miss being his. i dont think it's so much Litter, as it was the way i had someone i could always count on to be my support system. i went and screwed it up by falling in love with him, and letting him love me back, but we let it fall apart together. but thats hardly here no there, not anymore.

to use the phrase that ended our relationship, as it was, and the statesment i now understand so completely it bites into my very skin...

"I just miss having my best friend."

xoxo Willow

*sigh*

Work is putting me to sleep a bit today, so I thinking I'm gonna write up an annoying post. lol.

I'm so bored, my face hurts. that's right... my face hurts...
actually, I'm fairly sure it's because I'm tired, but still... bored + tired = face pain.
yep.

at least I had a yummy baked spud for lunch... yumyum

see... I'm getting good at this pointless post thing now :p

xoxo Willow

party party baby

ok these the costume ideas i wanna keep for ideas, since my birthday is in about two months.
this post is basically cos i cant get into my email account at work lol

http://www.buycostumes.com/Rag-Darlin-Adult-Costume/61456/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Deluxe-Tea-Party-Hostess-Adult-Costume/60000/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Vegas-Vixen-Adult-Costume/32320/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Hollywood-Starlet-Adult-Costume/34092/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/SpongeBob-Squarepants-Sexy-SpongeBob-Adult-Costume/33188/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Strawberry-Doll-Adult-Costume/18196/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Hot-Cherry-Pie-Adult-Costume/32382/ProductDetail.aspx

im gonna stop, or i'm never gonna settle on a bloody costume lol

xoxo Willow

Leatherman

ARGH!
I'm SO angry right now. this is why..

i was at the service station today before work and, lucky for me, i decided to check my wallet BEFORE putting fuel in, for once, and it soon became apparent to me that it was not there. i had left it somewhere. assuming it was where i had stayed that night, i called up The Boy and asked him to have a look, not there. damn. together we figured out it must have been at K-Rads, because thats where i was the night before, when i last remember using it. anyway she's at work HOURS before me, and nobody would have been at her house, so i had to borrow money off The Boy, because he lives closest to the service station. *thank u again by the way, if you read this* anyway thats all well and good, it's my own stupid fault for being a forgetfull idiot, lol.

as i was doing all this, some ASSHOLE pulled up behind me, and started abusing me because i was in his way, and he was apparently born without even the pretence of good manners, patience and, in my personal opinion... must be from some sort of trailer-trash-esque background, because after yelling from the car for a good... thirsty seconds.. he drives forward, pretending as if to ram into the back of my car, to which of course, i dont take well at all, and proceed to run off a course of the rather largely offensive vocabulary i have aquired over my 22 1/2 years of army brat-turned-punk-rocker-kid *which i've obviously grown out of again* at him, which, to my suprise *and annoyance* was countered with the unimaginative 'cunt', 'idiot' and 'asshole'. i felt a bit cheated, because here was someone i could really lay into, verbally, and never have to deal with again(!), but no, he was the Leatherman, who couldnt thing of anything else.
this may have something to do with why he proceeded to spit on my car window as he drove past, when i finally got fed up and drove off again, because i had to go see The Boy and pick up the money he so sweetly leant me.

thank you goes to The Boy, for saving me YET again.
thank you aswell to the Leatherman... you look like a piece of leather that has not only been picked up and chewed by another piece of leather, but spat out and stomped on... and i wish i had the chance to see it when karma kicks you back in the face. you've successfully ruined my mood, made me half an hour late for work, and acted like a 5 year old throwing a tanty.

thats my life for you, all week i've been sick, and had an ear ache, and now... i get this.

thanks world. love you too.

>:-(

xoxo Willow

What the hell's wrong with you?

She's this massive, horned green monster, and she travels at the speed
of light, hunting me down. I ignore her, or try to, and for a little
while, my eyes are the only way you can tell she is even there. But
watch out, once she finally catches me... and trust me, im incapable of
fending her off for long... she consumes me and that's when it happens.
I become her. I see everything she sees, I feel everything she feels, I
say everything she wants me to say and then...

Then you hate me just a little bit, because you think I've gone mad, and
to be fair, I have a little. but really, all it would have taken to
chase my jealousy demon away was a few little words...

She's nothing.

I know I shouldn't need to hear it, especially in this situation, but my
jealousy demon has never been stronger, because she in league with other
demons such as the confusion beast, the frustration monster and even
sometimes the worst of all... the all consuming, all powerfull, king and
queen of the horrids... mistrust and insecurity, who trump all others
when it comes to weedling into your brain and building cities like
settlers.

The other day they staged an all out war on me, and I lost.
And I lost my dear friend, composure bird.
She flew away in fright and left me with them. shes back now, dragged
back by the determination knights.
She's still jittery and frightened, but im feeding lies and small truths
to calm her.
To keep her.

Maybe the question shouldn't be what the hells wrong with you, but when
the hells wrong with me?

xoxo Willow

Oh Brother of mine...

I had a dream tonight, little brother.
A flash in the darkness.
Just a flash.
Like the last time, I felt it in my bones.
Your face was all I saw.
No more than a second.
But the expression will stay forever.
You couldn't help... someone.
You were being held down.
Held back.
Unable to protect someone you care about.

It felt like watching your heart shatter.

It felt like watching you being made to watch someone slowly hurt
someone you love.

Little brother, you're not a little guy, you're big, powerful, heavy.
Strong.

what person could hold you back when someone you cared about needed you
that badly?

That's the person im scared of most now.
--
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