25 July 2009

What the hell's wrong with you?

She's this massive, horned green monster, and she travels at the speed
of light, hunting me down. I ignore her, or try to, and for a little
while, my eyes are the only way you can tell she is even there. But
watch out, once she finally catches me... and trust me, im incapable of
fending her off for long... she consumes me and that's when it happens.
I become her. I see everything she sees, I feel everything she feels, I
say everything she wants me to say and then...

Then you hate me just a little bit, because you think I've gone mad, and
to be fair, I have a little. but really, all it would have taken to
chase my jealousy demon away was a few little words...

She's nothing.

I know I shouldn't need to hear it, especially in this situation, but my
jealousy demon has never been stronger, because she in league with other
demons such as the confusion beast, the frustration monster and even
sometimes the worst of all... the all consuming, all powerfull, king and
queen of the horrids... mistrust and insecurity, who trump all others
when it comes to weedling into your brain and building cities like
settlers.


The other day they staged an all out war on me, and I lost.
And I lost my dear friend, composure bird.
She flew away in fright and left me with them. shes back now, dragged
back by the determination knights.
She's still jittery and frightened, but im feeding lies and small truths
to calm her.
To keep her.

Maybe the question shouldn't be what the hells wrong with you, but when
the hells wrong with me?

xoxo Willow

18 July 2009

Oh Brother of mine...

I had a dream tonight, little brother.
A flash in the darkness.
Just a flash.
Like the last time, I felt it in my bones.
Your face was all I saw.
No more than a second.
But the expression will stay forever.
You couldn't help... someone.
You were being held down.
Held back.
Unable to protect someone you care about.

It felt like watching your heart shatter.

It felt like watching you being made to watch someone slowly hurt
someone you love.

Little brother, you're not a little guy, you're big, powerful, heavy.
Strong.

what person could hold you back when someone you cared about needed you
that badly?

That's the person im scared of most now.
--
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