Crawling

I dreamt of spiders last night.
In real life, I love them, I think they love me too... I seem to attract
them. But last night, last night it was as though they were coming from
someone, to me. Big ones, little ones, babys, full grown... all from the
same place, and looking for me. A small one crawled up my arm, I could
feel legs digging into my skin, but managed to brush it off before it
bit me. I remember not feeling afraid, so much as I was feeling nervous,
apprehensive even, as though I wasn't quite ready for the pain of a
bite.

People say dreaming of spiders indicates good luck, but it also says it
indicated the dreamer feels like an outsider in a situation, which rings
more true to me right now. Such conflicting meanings. By comparison, a
spider bite is said to mean either conflict, or deception, namely
falling under the the deception of someone trusted.
Does that mean that by, in my dream, brushing the spider off before it
could bite me, even though I felt it coming, that im going to stop
someone I trust, but who makes me feel like an outsider, from decieving
me, and thereby creating some good luck for myself?

I like to think so.

xoxo Willow

Disbelief and indecition

Things have been said, and while I meant every word, I know im the only
one who did.
I just know you've done this before, and its too much to think about.

I don't know what im doing anymore, it just feels... ?

I don't want to be just another one on the list, but I know that's all I
am to you.

Xoxo Willow

fucking genius!

Because pretty much every month I am convinced I am in the middle of some sort of life-altering emotional crisis. I believe this for about three days before I’m like, “Waaaaait a minute.” And then I realize WHY I’m like this.
but IF you’re on a pretty regular schedule AND it effects you that strongly, couldn’t you just put it on your calendar so you have a reminder?
Oh, I totally have one. But for some reason when I am THAT emotional, it never occurs to me that it is entirely hormonal. Because it seems so much bigger than that at the time.
Besides, it’s so much more entertaining to be dramatic. WAHHHHHH, etc.
Also there’s the part where feeling completely mental headcase everything makes you cry and GOD WHY ME! I AM SO DAMAGED!!! isn’t really alleviated by knowing that’s how you’re going to feel. Actually now that I keep track of that kind of thing, it’s on my mind more and I dread it more and ultimately, we’re just going to lose it for a few days regardless AND IT IS SO MUCH FUN!!!1
I like ice cream.

This? Is why I have been a complete psycho bitch for the past 3 days. Sure, I can call myself that, but if anyone else were to so much as mumble that word in my presence WELL THEN IT JUST ISN’T YOUR FUCKING DAY!
I have cried and yelled and then cried some more. I sobbed for a solid 5 minutes after I saw one of those God-forsaken Sarah McLachlan Humane Society ads. I whined and bitched when the “inbred asshole” at Zaxby’s (yeah, Zaxby’s - I know) gave me a house salad instead of the garden Caesar salad that I ordered. I got misty-eyed during a Grey’s Anatomy voiceover at the end of the episode 10 minutes after I got done yelling at the cat for vomiting up the entire contents of her stomach on my favorite pair of jeans.

Also? I need a brownie, and I need it now

lmao... this is care of http://www.tiffanyjmoore.com/
i follow her on Twitter (yes yes, i know *stalks* but screw you)
anyway, i laughed so hard at this... then kind of turned to myself (there is a mirror on the wall opposite me, i can actually DO that) and thought about how i was last time... and frankly.. i laughed mnore becase hey, it works

and i also want a brownie with ice cream now. bitch. :D

xoxo Willow

Fuck you telstra

Something is very wrong with telstra right now... stupid shits not
letting me on the internet on my phone, but its not just me, all people
with hiptops that I know, so im not the only one FRUSTRATED! Ugh... fkn
annoying shit

This is being sent via email... just to see if it works really.
I hate you telstra!

Xoxo Willow
--
Powered by Telstra hiptop.

Heavy hearted lover

I feel like my chest is imploding in, its too much.

Im like a black hole, im pulling too much into myself when it comes to
feeling this.
Im terrefied of you, because I know you're not even remotely afraid of
what will happen to you when im not around anymore.

The day you stop pretending you care, will be the day I stop pretending
I don't, and by then I'll be gone.

Xoxo Willow

yes.. i WOULD love a drink, why thank you..


right now... at work... i wanna sleep till it's over and i can be where i was before

...or go back to the place i'm SUPPOSED to be... either way, i'm gonna lay on the bed and smile a bit XD

xoxo Willow

apricots

im getting sick... or.. i was a bit sick and... oh i dont know. one of the two...

either way i'm killing the Duro-Tuss... and it tastes like apricot... or schnapps.... bliss. lol

for some reason, other than the cough, i've been really... happy.. the last few days, it's odd, i dont know if i will ever be used to it, lol. but i'm happy, and i think it's because i'm not freaking out over small things anymore. i dont know what comment was made, or who said it... but something has put me at ease again.

i like the feeling.

trusting. it's just so strange. i know it wont last, but i like it while it's here

xoxo Willow

If this is what you want, then fire at will...

Listening to My Chem always puts me in a funny mood. i mean, i love it, but i always feel like the little 14 year old emo/goth kid i was 9 years ago, in highschool. broken and tainted by things i didnt know were venomous to my mental health.

And i kind of miss someone i shouldnt miss, and i dont understand just how i miss them, since the last time i saw them was.... i dont even remember really. he's a my best friend, or... he was. he was my world, and i miss being his. i dont think it's so much Litter, as it was the way i had someone i could always count on to be my support system. i went and screwed it up by falling in love with him, and letting him love me back, but we let it fall apart together. but thats hardly here no there, not anymore.

to use the phrase that ended our relationship, as it was, and the statesment i now understand so completely it bites into my very skin...

"I just miss having my best friend."

xoxo Willow

*sigh*

Work is putting me to sleep a bit today, so I thinking I'm gonna write up an annoying post. lol.

I'm so bored, my face hurts. that's right... my face hurts...
actually, I'm fairly sure it's because I'm tired, but still... bored + tired = face pain.
yep.

at least I had a yummy baked spud for lunch... yumyum

see... I'm getting good at this pointless post thing now :p

xoxo Willow

party party baby

ok these the costume ideas i wanna keep for ideas, since my birthday is in about two months.
this post is basically cos i cant get into my email account at work lol

http://www.buycostumes.com/Rag-Darlin-Adult-Costume/61456/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Deluxe-Tea-Party-Hostess-Adult-Costume/60000/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Vegas-Vixen-Adult-Costume/32320/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Hollywood-Starlet-Adult-Costume/34092/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/SpongeBob-Squarepants-Sexy-SpongeBob-Adult-Costume/33188/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Strawberry-Doll-Adult-Costume/18196/ProductDetail.aspx

http://www.buycostumes.com/Hot-Cherry-Pie-Adult-Costume/32382/ProductDetail.aspx

im gonna stop, or i'm never gonna settle on a bloody costume lol

xoxo Willow

Leatherman

ARGH!
I'm SO angry right now. this is why..

i was at the service station today before work and, lucky for me, i decided to check my wallet BEFORE putting fuel in, for once, and it soon became apparent to me that it was not there. i had left it somewhere. assuming it was where i had stayed that night, i called up The Boy and asked him to have a look, not there. damn. together we figured out it must have been at K-Rads, because thats where i was the night before, when i last remember using it. anyway she's at work HOURS before me, and nobody would have been at her house, so i had to borrow money off The Boy, because he lives closest to the service station. *thank u again by the way, if you read this* anyway thats all well and good, it's my own stupid fault for being a forgetfull idiot, lol.

as i was doing all this, some ASSHOLE pulled up behind me, and started abusing me because i was in his way, and he was apparently born without even the pretence of good manners, patience and, in my personal opinion... must be from some sort of trailer-trash-esque background, because after yelling from the car for a good... thirsty seconds.. he drives forward, pretending as if to ram into the back of my car, to which of course, i dont take well at all, and proceed to run off a course of the rather largely offensive vocabulary i have aquired over my 22 1/2 years of army brat-turned-punk-rocker-kid *which i've obviously grown out of again* at him, which, to my suprise *and annoyance* was countered with the unimaginative 'cunt', 'idiot' and 'asshole'. i felt a bit cheated, because here was someone i could really lay into, verbally, and never have to deal with again(!), but no, he was the Leatherman, who couldnt thing of anything else.
this may have something to do with why he proceeded to spit on my car window as he drove past, when i finally got fed up and drove off again, because i had to go see The Boy and pick up the money he so sweetly leant me.

thank you goes to The Boy, for saving me YET again.
thank you aswell to the Leatherman... you look like a piece of leather that has not only been picked up and chewed by another piece of leather, but spat out and stomped on... and i wish i had the chance to see it when karma kicks you back in the face. you've successfully ruined my mood, made me half an hour late for work, and acted like a 5 year old throwing a tanty.

thats my life for you, all week i've been sick, and had an ear ache, and now... i get this.

thanks world. love you too.

>:-(

xoxo Willow

What the hell's wrong with you?

She's this massive, horned green monster, and she travels at the speed
of light, hunting me down. I ignore her, or try to, and for a little
while, my eyes are the only way you can tell she is even there. But
watch out, once she finally catches me... and trust me, im incapable of
fending her off for long... she consumes me and that's when it happens.
I become her. I see everything she sees, I feel everything she feels, I
say everything she wants me to say and then...

Then you hate me just a little bit, because you think I've gone mad, and
to be fair, I have a little. but really, all it would have taken to
chase my jealousy demon away was a few little words...

She's nothing.

I know I shouldn't need to hear it, especially in this situation, but my
jealousy demon has never been stronger, because she in league with other
demons such as the confusion beast, the frustration monster and even
sometimes the worst of all... the all consuming, all powerfull, king and
queen of the horrids... mistrust and insecurity, who trump all others
when it comes to weedling into your brain and building cities like
settlers.

The other day they staged an all out war on me, and I lost.
And I lost my dear friend, composure bird.
She flew away in fright and left me with them. shes back now, dragged
back by the determination knights.
She's still jittery and frightened, but im feeding lies and small truths
to calm her.
To keep her.

Maybe the question shouldn't be what the hells wrong with you, but when
the hells wrong with me?

xoxo Willow

Oh Brother of mine...

I had a dream tonight, little brother.
A flash in the darkness.
Just a flash.
Like the last time, I felt it in my bones.
Your face was all I saw.
No more than a second.
But the expression will stay forever.
You couldn't help... someone.
You were being held down.
Held back.
Unable to protect someone you care about.

It felt like watching your heart shatter.

It felt like watching you being made to watch someone slowly hurt
someone you love.

Little brother, you're not a little guy, you're big, powerful, heavy.
Strong.

what person could hold you back when someone you cared about needed you
that badly?

That's the person im scared of most now.
--
Powered by Telstra hiptop.

welcome to Rankcity,,, aka Perth

today i've come to the realisation that i live in a city full of rank.

rank people, rank clubs, rank streets, rank suburbs, rank towers, rank kitchens, rank houses, rank waters, rank criminals, rank smells, rank in general!

the rank is rampant (!) and it's making me very upset that i'm a part of it, which, as a regular visitor to places of ill-repute such as Black Betties... well... i just feel like i've done my part to aid the end of this fine (LOL) city of ours.
so... as of this very moment, i have promise... nay.. i PLEDGE TO THEE, dear reader, that i shall attempt to keep my rankbettys visits down to minimum... and shall avoid acting like a trashy whore if at all possible (doubtful, as it;s way to much fun)

so in effect.. this is just a little blog about how... well.. im gonna go to betties and be disgusting again... probly tonight.... probly tomorrow too... and then Wednesday night i get free enrty so...

RANK SHALL CONTINUE!!!

xoxo Willow

Boredom = Boredom

I've developed the strangest little habit lately, lol.
let me explain...

I get very bored, VERY easy.
...which leads to the most random things happening..

such as... my webcam basically getting used and abused like a Thai hooker.
I'm a cam-whore by definition.. but get me bored and i get inventive.

...or just crazy, not quite sure yet.

jurys out on that one, dont see it coming back with a good answer ;)
so yeah, i tend t go a bit nuts and end up just taking pictures of... well... myself.
generally it's in my back yard pretending that i'm some artsy little thing..

but to be fair... i'm just a dork with a camera on her laptop so HA!
my facebook page gets a bit of action that way... that and i tend to get tagged in random drunken photos... but that's not the point here...

my life is pretty much one big photoshoot right now...

bright eyes, big hair, pretty dresses, candy smiles, borrowed shoes, black liquid eyeliner with black shadow, mascara till next week, pouts and dimples, raise that eyebrow baby girl, lovers party hard, never enough fishnets, heels never high enough, legs never long enough, gossip girl lifestyles...

cam-whore wishes...

i'm supposed to be cleaning my house today, in preperation of my parents coming home..

but lets face it, i'm most likely going to end up outside in the sunshine taking pretty pictures so i can SHINE!

xoxo Willow

worry me a little bit more, why dont you?

doctor! doctor!
i've been getting these odd headaches, like sharp stabbing pain behind my eyes, and it swaps sides occationally, and comes out of nowhere! never lasts very long, but half the time is leaves me feeling like i'm going to be sick.

wtf man!

maybe have a brain cancer and will drop dead any moment?!

oh well, i cant afford to go to the doctors :(

xoxo Willow

Dreamed you up...

I had the oddest dream this morning, and it was so familiar too!
Either I've had it before... or it was in a movie lol.

Basically, me and three friends were floating around and found an
circular island, where we spent a night in the middle, relaxing,
generally being naughty (did I mention one of my friends was jensen
ackles? :p hehe) and having underwater relations. Anyway, it didn't get
a chance to get good and graphic because suddenly there was a massive
storm, so we got in our boat (which had somehow became a big pirate
ship) and got out of the circle island, but the storm kept trying to
push us back, and we got tossed overboard. We were trying to swim away,
and there was life boats crashing over us and stuff. Then it was
morning, the storm was over and we found ourselves on another
island/sandbar thing, and our boat was close enough to race to. Then,
another ship appeared.... REDCOATS (wtf) and we faught them with cannons
and tried to get away and then...

...I woke up.

K-rad was fumbling around her room getting ready for work and I was back
to reality.
The strange thing about it all, was that I wasn't really afraid of any
of it? Like, it didn't scare me at all to hbe honest.

Very odd...

Pity I didn't get graphic dreams with jensen ackles.... that would have
made my night ;)

xoxo Willow

things you need to know about me.

I'm not exactly what you would call the most observant person. I could never really be bothered with the people around me to be completely honest. why? it's not like I've spent my life being showered with adoration, praise and support... oh wait i was, i have fantastic parents, never mind that :)

Doesn't mean i had to pay attention. Truth is, I was one of those well loved, upper-middle class children that, for some reason unknown to medical science, never seemed to realise i was well off. Because of this strange, yet suprisingly frequent occurance, when i was in highschool i somehow managed to give myself quite a few massive complexes and.... seriously... when do they go away? I know they are stupid, i know it's all in my head (so to speak) and.... well you get the point. I just thought I would point this out right from the start as I tend to end up rambling on about things that dont have any relevance to.... well anything, and generally start to sound like little 15 year olds whinging about their boyfriends and how shit their lives are *boohoo!*

but in all honesty... i actually don't care about the things i talk about, and the things that matter... well I will never mention them.

so whilst from hence forth i may occationally list the things that break my heart and tear it out of my chest.... i say sorry for the things i say in the future than make me sound like... well an idiot really.

xoxo Willow